We are struggling - hugely struggling - financially right now. I cry every day and scream everyday (although, I like to think I've improved quite a bit on the screaming front, despite the huge bills that are looming over us at the moment. I've at least stopped blaming my poor husband).
Our student loans didn't pan out like we had expected - we need a cosigner and can't be independent about this at all unfortunately (have you ever tried to GET a cosigner? It is incredibly difficult, especially because you are asking someone to take a huge risk for your benefit - there is absolutely no benefit for them AT ALL).
I will be honest in saying that I have never been so scared in all of my life about what the future holds for us. Remember when I got married my husband was going to be a psychologist, and then a therapist, and then an engineer? He finally ending up on a math teacher (at half the salary), but he excellent at it. Despite this we came to the conclusion together that it wasn't in Justin's best interest to keep his job at Metal Mart where he was the assistant warehouse manager and was already making a teachers salary (it's how we bought out condo after all). And so in January 2011 he stopped working there and started working at BYU.
I had all of these plans about Justin getting a job at Sams Club/Costco/Home Depot. He wouldn't make as much at these places, and obviously would be only working half time, but he could support our family for the most part and we would subsidize what was needed with our student loans. Plus he is a certified fork lift operator, so that would help boost his pay rate. Unfortunately that didn't pan out either. With all of the emotional turmoil that he was going through he felt it was best to be on campus and so he got a job at the BYU Bookstore (actually working in my old department) starting at minimum wage and moving to the math lab that fall.
We've been blessed that he has gotten significant pay raises since then, finally working his way up to where I had planned on us being all along. The effects of that however have been that we no money left. None. Bills need to be paid - school, baby, mortgage, etc. and here we sit with nothing to do about it...
With no cosigner is sight it appears that our priorities will be changing and huge unanswered questions will continue to loom ahead. As it stands we'll have to quit school for the summer, Justin will have to find a full time or another part time job that works with the one he currently has, I'll have to start going to new midwives that Medicaid will cover (or a crappy team of doctors - which is my worst fear... nightmare really) and won't be able to deliver at home, and we'll just have to hope and pray that somehow our required BYU health insurance gets paid (if it doesn't I lose Medicaid as well) in time for school to start (so Justin's account doesn't get put on hold) and Justin's needed classes will be available in the Fall. On top of that the fall is the final semester that he qualifies for financial aid. The financial aid office had told us that he could easily appeal that situation since the winter would be his final semester of school. This won't be the case now as he'll have to finish catching up on his missed summer classes. We'll have to come up with the money in January and then again for each semester the following year when he would be doing a paid internship. An internship's salary after taxes, health insurance, etc. is not anymore than we make now, so I have no idea how school will pan out. We might have to take another hiatus. But what job can he get that pays enough to ever be able to go back?
As you can see it's just a Catch-22 of a situation. I am overwhelmed. I don't know what to do.
Last night at a RS activity we reviewed
this talk. This scripture specifically stood out to me:
“Be thou humble; and the Lord thy God shall lead thee by the hand, and give thee answer to thy prayers” (D&C 112:10)
So, I'll try to be more humble, but I am scared and my faith is being horribly shaken...
We are struggling - hugely struggling - financially right now. I cry every day and scream everyday (although, I like to think I've improved quite a bit on the screaming front, despite the huge bills that are looming over us at the moment. I've at least stopped blaming my poor husband). 
